I've been down and I've been out

Have you ever been completely worn out and you really haven't done anything. That's the way I've been feeling the last couple days. When I look back at what's been going on, I see a whole lot of nothing, wasted time where something productive could have been done, but wasn't. The strange part is that I'm really tired from doing all this nothing. I've been a little disheartened while reading my friend's blogs as they spend there time on the mission field serving and showing Jesus to the lost. I've been feeling useless. I wish I was there most times.

Father,
I'm not going to ask for patience, because I know that through you living in me I have all that I need, but I ask that you use my body for your service. I ask that through me, others would see you. That they would see Jesus. Help me to step out of my christian bubble I so often find myself in and show me how to love others as you do.

Pop the Bubble

So recently I've really been struggling with the Church and how she is impacting this world. I've been reading a few books on it, a few of your blogs, and just in general observing for myself. I'm by no means an expert on the subject and most likely have contributed to the problem, but I really feel God calling me, tugging on my heart to make a change. I'm currently reading They Like Jesus, But Not the Church, by Dan Kimball. This excerpt from the book really opened my eyes.

Life in the Christian Bubble

" Then I began noticing what most of us talk about. Generally it's the latest Christian band or concert or what's happening at the church. As I recognized that we really only socialize with our Christian friends, I also recognized that overall, we are complacent about those outside the church. We aren't thinking about their eternal destiny. We aren't concerned about whether they're experiencing the abundant life Jesus offers. We are more concerned about whether there will be good snow on our church ski trip than about the spiritual status or our neighbors and the people we work with everyday. I became aware that I didn't hear much concern about those who don't know Jesus yet. We are all about making church better for ourselves and making our lives more comfortable in the Christian Bubble we have created."

"I didn't hear too much heartbreak for people outside the church among church leaders either. Church leaders are mainly dealing with complaints about last week's sermon or complaints that the music wasn't good enough, along with threats that people might go to another church where these things are better. When church leaders feel pressure from this kind of complaining, naturally the focus becomes having better programs, music, and activities to keep their people in their churches. Pastors face subtle pressure from Christian parents to have good youth programs to make sure that their kids stay away from the bad non-Christian kids and have the opportunity to meet other Christians. The whole thing feeds itself, isolating us from the outside world. It feels like we're building this social, spiritual, and consumeristic infrastructure, and Christians are only demanding more of it, building a stronger and thicker bubble around us, protecting us from the outside while we crate this very strange Christian subculture inside. But it had happened to me so slowly that I hadn't even noticed."

That us. The Church. The people that have been called to reach out and help the poor, hungry and beaten down, the least of these, but what have we done. We put ourselves in a bubble and keep to ourselves and in the process push others away. So it makes me question how many LOST people I have as friends and spend some time with during the week. The answer is pretty sad considering the number of lost people I encounter and have some sort of relationship. So my challenge for you and really for myself: Step out of the bubble.

Would You Pray for Me?

Just a simple question it might seem, but as I look at my life (usually a hard, long look), I see that my prayer life SUCKS! Kaylen and I have just finished up our third week of doing a devotional together and this past week we were focusing in on Prayer. I have to say that this week has been very challenging for me. I found out that I'm not very disciplined when it comes to prayer and very frankly it's become a challenge for me. I try, but I feel myself moving into a state of checklist Christianity, which is almost the complete opposite of where I want to be with God. I'll be honest here: this is hard! Straight up hard for me! I want to be real with God, and he wants that from me, but I'm not always there.

Father,
Crack me! Break me! Consume me! Burn me! Mold and Shape me!
I am nothing.....completely and utterly nothing......without you. Help me to realize this God.
Show me Father, how to discipline myself. Lead me to that Deep, Intimate, Love relationship with you again. Make me long for you Lord. Make me hunger and thirst for you.
Amen.

Summer 08

First off let me apologize for the recent blogging silence. I'm currently without Internet and am actually stealing Kaylen's Internet to write this blog. It's already proving to be a busy summer and I haven't really even started yet. Here's an update on what's been going on thus far and what's to come:

• Spent the last few days of May in Goldthwaite with my family. We celebrated my mom and sister's birthdays and also had a chance to hang out as a family.
• Attended the Memorial Day service in Killeen where a good friend, Rodney Thomas, was honored with his name and picture on the Wall of Fallen Heroes Wall. A very moving service to say the least.
• Went to graduation and saw something that I never thought would happen. Taylor actually graduating high school.
• Came back to Denton to an apartment with no Internet or Television and started the process of packing up all my crap. Hung out with some friends, but mostly got ready for the move.
• During all of these happenings, I've been trying to sign up for some college classes and get things squared away with HPU. I still don't understand why colleges have to be so frustrating.
• I'm headed down to Bwood this weekend to sign a lease on an apartment, hopefully all goes well and I have a place to stay this fall.
• The next week will be spent in Austin with the family. My dad is attending a Principal's conference and we are going to take advantage of the situation and get away for a little while.
• The third week of June will be spent at the Heart of Texas Baptist Entrapment. I'm working Pre-teen camp again this year. I have to say that I'm not too terribly excited about it this year, but hanging out with some good friends is always fun and it is always cool to see how God will move.
• I'll be back in Denton the last week of June to finish up the move. It will be bittersweet. I'm ready to move on with this phase in life that God has called me to, but in the same breath it is hard to say good-bye to some really close friends. I'm not saying good-bye for good, but it will be different not seeing them as often as I am use to.
• Among all this, I'm trying to squeeze in some summer school, so that I can raise my GPA a few points. I really don't know how this is going to work out, but it should be interesting to say the least.

Well that all I've got for now. I'll be keeping you up to date on the happenings this summer. Pray for me as the weeks go by.